Yeah
It’s December 25, Christmas Day
I’m just bouncing back from the flu so
I apologize
Yeah, yeah

Damn
2021 been a doozy
I came out of 2k20 claiming no one can outdo me
Fast forward present day and it’s 4am in my room and
Can’t nobody can tell me shit to help me navigate these mood swings
Yeah, this shit feel crazy like I hit a wall
I remember the conversations that I had with Paul
About the drive and the vision and sticking to the mission
Swear I had more hunger back when people would still call me Josh
Back when I had shit to prove, but now I’ve proved them wrong
And back when I had shit to do, feel like I’ve done it all
I used to root for all my peers and loved to cheer them on
Until they started passing me up, now some of us at odds
I’m looking at ‘em wondering how they could crack the code
I put my all in this music and not a copy sold
And all this “trust me you got make it” shit is getting old
I see the same thing every year like reruns of an episode
But it’s not like I can turn it off or change the channel
And I’ve got no one to vent to so I turn to the samples
I want to write what’s on my mind but they won’t understand it
Cuz the hip hop heads on Twitter whiter than the shoes on Daniel
Can You Hear Us Now 1 & 2, that shit was a classic
I put it in the world to help us deal with something tragic
I checked back everyday, barely even got a reaction
Kab told me put it on Tik Tok to get some interactions
But something for us on the For You page won’t cut through the dancing
Always surrounded by distractions
Damn, that’s a hard lesson to learn
And a bitter pill to swallow but trust me I’m changing direction
Look, its a long road, I gotta trust the process
But when did making songs require all the nonsense
The social gimmicks, extravagant money spending
Just to make it on a playlist that don’t care about your conscience
Yeah, hey’ll say “This beat is hard” but what about the words
And what about the poets that don’t get respect that they deserve
The rap game taught me to be real because respect is earned
But now they give out record deals to any trending caricature
And yeah I sound resentful, that’s because I am
Cuz this the only thing I got and I just want a chance
I had this girl in my pocket but couldn’t be a man
And give her what she wanted, I just wish that she could understand
But in her shoes she’s wondering why she wasn’t good enough
We went our separate ways but link to show each other love
And tryna get back on the scene been getting kinda tough
Cuz women in LA just value money, so I’m getting judged
Cuz I don’t got it yet, working 20 hour shifts
Concert hospitality, finally gonna make it big
Inglewood Forum, I’m running ‘round as tours loading in
Exposed to everything I’ve ever wanted, this shit makes me sick
Cuz I’m in these artists’ dressing rooms, they’re living lavish
I knock and walk in to deliver charcuterie platters
The dreamer in me wants to ask if they could hear my rapping
But I’m just the help to them and if they need a few more napkins…
It’s back to work
I’m burning myself out all for minimum wage
College degree from USC but still slaving away
I got to work for TDE but that shit didn’t get me paid
And every dollar made is one I cannot save
Because there’s photos and videos, marketing, social media
Beats and time in the studio, mixing, mastering whoa
I’m looking into my bank account tryna calculate the amount
I’ll have left because I need to pay the rent for my home
Damn, short a few hundred dollars
I woke up early cuz Saturday is for Instacarting
But that’s a trade off cuz gas is running five on the gallon
And I’m tryna justify if I can still afford the mileage
It’s hella cold in the wintertime
Long day of hustling, coming home I’m barely alive
The nights are getting longer, don’t know how long I’ll survive
This loneliness has got me wishing I had someone by my side
Everyone in the collective basically coupled up
The roomies too, it ain’t safe for me, don’t know where to turn
I fucked up my chance with the co-founder
Now we’re sitting in these meetings acting like that shit didn’t ever happen
Spending everyday, friends with girls that got away
Either due to timing or to moving on a better mate
Force myself to smile for em, swallow pride, congratulate
I’m glad you found somebody that gave you the things I couldn’t quite
I’m moving on… sadly
I’m sitting round texting the women that I used to mess with
I’m thinking bout you, I press send, the screen show a green message
She blocked my number, busy schedule left her feeling neglected
Tough… I guess its time to build the roster back
Gather some cute photos and throw them on a dating app
I am such a ladies man, I just got another match
But Certified Lover Boy don’t mean shit if your heart’s detached
Welcome to the pity party, a party one
Part of me hopeful, another part of me partly numb
Part of me boastful, another part of me want to run
Away from everything and hide somewhere where don’t nobody come
Under appreciated, still feel like the man though
Jealous all the time, I’m living life like Melly’s handle
Complicated mind, I pour my heart onto pianos
I’m tryna find the light inside but drowning in a room of shadows
I wish I wasn’t bitter as this morning coffee
I’m always steaming in the kitchen, I think Kian caught me
Being mad at the world, my trust been faulty
I just want to know who fake when they say they actually got me
Look, sometimes I get like this, easter egg for Geniuses
Who tear into the lyrics analyzing all the sentences
Type of shit I was obsessed with when I was a little kid
And made me wanna imitate the art that all my heroes did
But the game went through regressive metamorphosis
Can’t pop off unless you match whatever the trending topic is
Working on myself until the doubt and grief diminishes
So I’ll be MIA for the time it’ll take to finish this
Peace